Dearest Media,

My name is Leroy Stick and I am the man behind @BPGlobalPR. First, let me begin by explaining my name.

When I was growing up, there was a dog that lived on my block named Leroy.  Leroy was a big dog with a disdain for leashes and a thirst for blood.  He made a habit of running around our block attacking anything he saw, biting my dad and my dogs basically whenever he had the chance.  He chased me a few times, but I always escaped because I was/am an amazing tree climber.

Anyhoos, after Leroy's second or third attack on my dogs, it became clear that the police and Leroy's owner weren't going to do anything to stop him, so my dad took matters into his own [...]